Madame who?

I knew everything was too good to be true. Sorrow has regained it's power in my life, and has come at me with full force! I have nothing now! My identity is gone! And my child--he is of that which will forever mark him with death! He is black and will forever be marked with the cruel fate of slavery! And I know it is true! I look at him now, and at my little servant boy who stands beside me. There is no denying it! And Armand, oh my once loving husband, who now looks at me with the devil in his eyes, places the blame on me! BUT I AM NOT BLACK! Oh I pleaded with Mama to tell me truly. "O mama!" I said. "Say it is not true! Tell them I am not black!"

Only but to be received. "Come home," she wrote, "where you are loved."

She will not give me truth, and love is gone away from me. I feel as though I may die. My heart withers away on my chest, barely clutching on to the stem that roots me to the ground, lest I be blown away at last by that final wind. I feel that wind has already been blown away...

"Do you want me to go?" I asked.

"Yes, I want you to go," he said.

And that was it. So now I sit, holding my babe a little while longer, gazing out at the fields. They have already started taking away my belongings, and the child's (I suspect to burn them). Let those ashes blow away as his love for me has.

I have no will to live.
There is no love in this house.
This man never loved me.
These hands, are those of a slave.
This child is destined for death.
And I will save him.

Happy Days ::12 month later::

Oh my friends! I am so sorry that I have been gone for so long, but I have wonderful news:

I'm a mama! And the baby, oh he is such a precious little thing, mon chéri! Only 3 months old and so strong! Such strong hands and arms of his. And that voice! How it echoes across the fields of the plantation. But he is ever so precious! And Armand! Oh he is the proudest father in all of the Province! And in his glad nature, he has been the kindest master to his esclaves!
Why, just the other day, one of his little slaves faked a burn just to get out of fieldwork, and Armand just laughed! And oh how he laughed and he laughed and he laughed! And there seems to be just so much laughter these days, that I seem to have forgotten sorrow.

And although I am happy, I cannot help but think there is something amiss in my blissfulness. Mama came to visit us and, upon seeing the baby, seemed a little reluctant, but I am sure it is only her disappointment that Armand and I didn't have a girl. He is sorry that it is not a girl, but I know my husband. He tells me these things only to make me happy--but that doesn't mean he doesn't mean what he says, right? He says he loves me, and he does. He says he cares for me and look! He has given me his name, a house, protection, a family. All of these things should amount to my happiness...

And yet I sit so unsure... My, my... what strong features my son has...

Hills Like White Elephants

I hope to never utter that phrase again.

Up until the last couple of weeks everything's been just berries between me and my American. We drink, we dance, we party, we neck.

Well...you know what that leads to.

Things were already tense between us leading up to our trip. You see, the thing is, I told him I'm expecting. He said, well what do you expect me to do about it? Then went off and got all hoary-eyed. I just could not believe it.

These men that have these codes, these rules they live by. They drink; they go to and participate in boxing matches; they hunt for pete's sake. They define what it means to be a man and then... Well, doesn't a man want a family? A wife? A child?

It starts with a couple of beers, then something called Anis del Toro? We love to try new drinks.

It tastes just like absinthe -

You say something looks like white elephants and then... Just the thought of that scene makes my stomach turn. Well, that and other reasons.

"It’s really an awfully simple operation, Jig."

I could scream. What an uncomfortable mess that whole afternoon turned into.

And you know, we still haven't even come to an agreement. But I guess we should make a decision soon, because every day we make it even more impossible.

to top it off, he takes this picture of me --

I guess after everything, whatever we decide, I'll just have to be fine with it.

X
jig

I'm free!

Ladies, I have come to tell you the best news!

I'M FREE!!!

Oh what a joyous sensation it is. I got all that blasted paper off that wall. I have set that woman free. I locked myself in my room and threw the key out the window so John and Jennie couldn't get in. HAHA! Oh ladies I cannot tell you how happy I am! I am free! I am free to creep as I want. I have a rope to tie myself with so that John and Jennie will never be able to keep me in that paper ever again! HAHA! Because it is all gone! Oh my dearest friends how John yelled my name because I wouldn't let him in the room. I told him the key was outside below the window be he wouldn't go. HAHA! He just kept calling me. And calling me! I said "John, I have thrown the key outside. It is under the plantain leaf." Did he go get the key? No! He called to Jennie for an Axe. An Axe! Can you believe it? HAHA.

Oh my dearest friends, if only you knew of my happiness.To be free! To be free of John and Jennie, and the baby.  My friends. My dearest, lovely friends I will write again soon, now that John can no longer tell me what to do. I must go and creep around the room. In broad daylight--how embarrassed I used to be. It seems to silly all of the sudden!

--Jane 

Behind the Eight Ball

Girls, you will not believe what happened!

Lincoln and I were invited to Charlie's party, but we've been so busy with the move that we decided to stay home to rest.

But last night, around 4 in the morning, my sister, Helen, comes knocking at my door! She was soaked to the skin and shivering! She said that Charlie had locked her out! I asked her to stay as long as she wished, of course. 

But I will never forget this day. Charlie does not exist to me anymore! I knew there was something wrong with that egg. People treat him like royalty around here, but I won't let him treat my dear, poor sister that way!

-Marion.

Splinter

My dearest friends!

I must share with you that the paper is almost gone! But, I do have to admit I am starting to miss it. At least it kept me busy while in this dreadful room. The poor children who stayed in this gymnasium before me, God knows what it was like for them. I don't see much of John right now. I think he is as anxious as I am to return back to our house. The lady in the paper has been so restless lately. I have discovered her shaking bars in the paper. I do believe she is trying to break free. And I do not blame her for wanting too.

My teeth have been bothering me. I have been chewing on the immovable bed in the room. I do not know what drew me to do it, but I did. Every day I am curious about it, like I didn't chew on it the day before. It gives me something to do when John is gone, and Jennie is busy with the baby. I think I may have a piece of wood stuck in my gums.

--Jane

Hotsy-Totsy News!

Gals,
I have the best news in the world!
Lincoln and I have finally made the move!
Oh, Paris is the bees knees and more! I have to go, there's still a lot of things for us to do, but I'll keep in touch!

Lincoln snapped this quick picture of me as we were on our way to a java house!


Au revoir, darlings!
-Marion.

 

P.S. Yesterday, Lincoln bought me this adorable necklace with black stars. Is it just gorgeous?

Our New Home on the Plantation

Armand and I are finally and happily married!  Dieu merci! I don't think I could have put up with Armand's impatience any longer. But we love each other dearly.

Before I met him, he had been very harsh on the esclaves, but now, it is as if he is a new man! I hardly recognize him as the once terrifying master of the Aubigny Plantation. And we have been so happy! I wonder, how could one be so happy all of the time? Is it not a bit unrealistic? But oh! I am ever thankful and blessed to be so happy!

But I must go my friends, for I have wonderful news for my wonderful husband!

Au revoir!

P.S. This is our new home on the plantation! What do you think mesdames? Se manifique no?

Three Bundles for Spain--

So we've decided to take the trip to Ebro.

Oh, girls, I think finally I will have it all...

I can't wait to let you in on our surprise.

By the by... tried absinthe the other night. I believe it is quite overrated. Black licorice? Blegh.

x
jig

It's Time to Célébrer (celebrate)!

Bonjour mesdames! (ladies)

Armand has already ordered the corbeille from Paris! He is so anxious for our wedding, I do not know who is more excited: me or him! He can be very impatient! Oh but we love each other dearly!

Anyway, I need your help in choosing a wedding gown for the ceremony. There are just so many to choose from!:

Heebie-Jeebies

Ladies,

Lincoln & Marion

     After the disastrous news that I received from Helen, I told Lincoln that I couldn't find joy from our upcoming nuptials.

     We married yesterday at city hall. I told Lincoln that I did not want a ritzy party, no way. I told him that we needed to start saving money right now, for the move to Paris! Being closer to my sister would make me so much happier than having a fancy wedding.

     But I have been feeling weak these days. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me, but I know what I feel. I'm taking mild-sedatives that the doctor prescribed, but I don't think it's helping me feel better. I will feel better when I'm with my sister, Helen, again.

-Marion

To Ebro, or Not to Ebro?

I've been doing a lot of daydreaming lately, and feeling under the weather, but I am too afraid to see about a doctor. I just feel so...lost --

We've been doing gobs of traveling and really living it up. I know we could have all of this, and more.

(via)

When my beau asks if we should go to Spain on our next stop, I do not know what to say. I think he can sense it too and so we pretend to be aloof.

He's such a proud man. A man's man. Very practical and short with his words. He's always telling me, "I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do." -- Sometimes that just drives me absolutely bananas.

What do you think I should do Marion? Jane? Desiree?

X
jig

Creeping

There is a woman creeping outside. I can see her out my windows and on the lane. I just know it is the same woman from the paper I told you about before. I turn fast to see her out all the windows at once but she creeps too fast for me. If only I could go out and creep with her. It would be lovely to have some company other than John and Jennie. I creep myself in the daylight. I make sure to lock the door so that Jennie cannot walk in and see me creeping.
I have started to tear the paper off the walls. I feel I must get it off and free that woman for good. John said we will not be here much longer our home is almost done and I know I must have it off before we leave.
John has been gone a lot lately. Working late with patients and staying in town when he does. I know he will be just as happy to see the wallpaper gone when I am done. I swear I see him and Jennie staring at the wallpaper like I do.

--Jane

Help Me!

Oh girls, I heard my babe crying this morning. It was terrible. It is bad enough having to stare at this horrible wallpaper all day, but the crying I couldn't take. I sat huddled in the corner with my hands covering my ears. John wanted me to hold him, but I couldn't--I just couldn't. I told him to take the child away. He protested at first but saw that it was upsetting me and left with the crying monster. I get so angry with John sometimes, you ladies shall enjoy your time with out a husband to lock you away. I am so tired from the events of the morning I can barely stand to write anymore.

Oh how I hate this wallpaper. Do you now see how it drives me crazy. I stare all day and night and cannot make sense of it. Sometimes I see a woman creeping through the paper trying to break free. But, other times she is not there.

I think I hear John's sister.

--Jane 

Double-crossed

Gals, it's the end of the world for me!

That good-for-nothing Charlie took my sister Helen away; off to Paris they went. I think my heart is broken. I found this letter from Helen:

My dearest Marion,

    You have always been there for me and had to carry the responsibilities of the eldest sister, and for that I will forever be grateful. But you don't have to worry about me anymore. I can take care of myself, now. You'll be ecstatic to know that Charlie and I eloped six months ago. We couldn't be happier! It pained me to see you everyday and not be able to share with you my happiness. I don't know why I couldn't level with you. I think I was afraid of breaking your heart. And when Lincoln finally proposed to you, I didn't tell you then because I did not want to take away from your moment... so I kept quiet. I wanted to tell you, I did! Believe me! But the perfect time didn't present itself.

    About two weeks ago, when Charlie returned from his business trip he delivered the best news of our lives! He purchased a house for us in Paris! He made the arrangements for our travels.

   Oh, Marion, I know you're happy for me. I wish I could be there with you as you're reading this letter so that I can see the joy in your face and so that you can see the tears of joy in my eyes! How truly happy I am.

    At this moment, I am hundreds of miles away, but I will write to you and keep you up to date with my affairs. I hope you do the same. I will visit you in the States and I will not miss your wedding. I promise.

Love,

Helen.

I don't know what to make of this! Why couldn't Helen tell me this in person?

-Marion.

The Man At the Gate

Oh ladies! I have met the most wonderful man! While I was resting by the big stone pillar, there he came, riding by on his great blonde stallion in all of the sun's glory! He stole the yellow rays from that mighty deity, and like a flower, bursts with energy and light. He is, by far, the most handsome man I have ever met in my life!
Quelle surprise! He is but a friend since my childhood!

His name is Armand Aubigny. See, here with his family?

His father died only but a few years ago, and years after his mother passed. 

Oh how similar we are! Both orphans, and now he has asked me to marry him! Father has given us his blessing and we are to wed immeadiately!

*le sigh*

"Madame Desiree Aubigny"

How does that sound to you? :)

Ab-so-lute-ly Cat's Meow

It happened, gals!

Lincoln Peters proposed.
He said, “Will you walk the middle aisle² with me?”  And I said, “Yes!”

The ring was a modest thing, not an orchid³. But that doesn’t matter. He hopes to make it big in the market. Charlie thinks that it will blow up soon and we’ll all be rich. Besides, I’m no gold digger, I wouldn't mind living small.

I sure hope you gals can make it to our wedding. We haven’t set a date, but you’ll be the first to know.


How I've dreamed of living in Paris.

-Marion.

 1.Cat's Meow: something splendid; best or greatest, wonderful.   2. To marry.   3. An expensive item.

Puttin on the Ritz

What a month its been! From party to party, hotel to hotel, and restaurant ...you get the jist. It's hard to make friends when we're surrounded by tomatoes, bimbos, and pikers¹ but other than that I'd say we're having a gay old time.

Matter of fact, I was able to gather round a group of us dames and dapper dans for a photo -- 

Cicada Club

foolin' around

I've a train to catch so I gotta scram but I look forward to hearing from you gals, Jane - Desi - Marion...

X
jig

1. young women shy of brains; tough guys; cheapskates.

Our New House

Here it is. The house John and I will be staying at for the summer while ours gets renovated and it was sold to us so cheaply! John also says that being away for a little will help me to get better. He loves me so much, but does not believe I am truly sick but just suffering from nervous depression. What am I to do but follow what John says?

--Jane

Swanky Time

Jig, darling!

We haven't had a chance to live it up in the city since you starting dating that good-looking bird¹, the American. I saw you two last leaving Helen's party on a red breezer². You looked good together, Jig. Don't take any wooden nickels³, all right?

I love the glamour and parties, but Lincoln and I have been thinking about the future. I think he’s going to propose soon. I’m worried about Helen. I’m always lookin' after her, ever since she started socializing with that egg⁴, Charlie.

I wanted to show you this wonderful picture of Helen and me:

Dolled up!

-Marion.

 

 

1. General  term for a man/woman, sometimes meaning "odd.”   2.  Convertible car.   3. Don't do anything stupid.   4. Person who lives the big life.

Tu peux m'aider, s'il vous plaît? (Can you help me please?)

There is a place where I go to find comfort in times of happiness and of sorrow. The stone pillar I now lean upon is the very same pillar where I was found years ago by the man and woman I have grown to call my parents.

I have been thinking much about too much, I believe. My mind has been terribly troubled by things that really should not matter. The troubles, my dear friends, stem from that which has been a mystery to my family for years, and that is the origin of my birth parents.

Oh do not think terribly of me! I love the ones whom I call mama et papa! They are mon ancre, my anchor and stronghold of my life. But how can I know who I truly am without knowing where my origins lie? I do not wish to hurt mama with these questions, for fear of breaking her poor heart! What shall I do?

Pouvez-vous m'aider, s'il vous plaît?

Glad Rags

Hiya babies!

Been out on the road with my sugar and this week-end is no exception. I've a hot date with the American, so I'm trying to decide what frock to don -

Things have been a little touchy with us but I can't quite put my nose on it yet. I hope everything works out. I think he's the one! I'm running late AS USUAL!! So I gotta vamoose ...

X
jig